Teagan .aka. The Professional Five Year Old

In her natural habitat the 'professional five year old' prefers to remain unrestricted by bra or pants. She is a founding member of the "People Against the Pantriarchy" movement. She is sustained by a diet of pizza, cuddles from her cats (when she can catch them) and fiance and Netflix. To the untrained eye, it could appear that she has not moved since she sat down on her couch this morning, but the evidence of empty potato chip bags and the television continuing on to the next episode of Orange Is The New Black, (and not that snarky "are you ok? It's been 15 straight hours" menu) shows that she has in fact moved a little today. Mom. 

Not one regularly prone to aggression, the "professional five year old" instead maintains a hidden level of anxiety throughout day to day life, which can be aggravated by such things as: breathing, insects, first dates, and the outside. Due to this condition, the "professional five year old" can enjoy solitude, but usually prefers the company of a select group of people, her friends. Often referred to as "Designated Adults", these friends all assume the role of DA when congregating with her. 

The "professional five year old" surrounds herself with things that are blue and copper, and (not unlike her general state of being) distressed. Her mantra of "hope for the best!" and constant spontaneity can lead to disaster messes, but also usually something pretty darn cool, though she would never say it out loud.  She prefers her habitat clean, though finds it amazingly difficult to maintain it. She suspects Nargles.