Like Nike: Just Do It

In the last two years, I haven't written a thing. Okay, that’s not entirely true. In the last two years, I haven't completed anything I have started to write for this blog. I've written tiny snippets in journal entries, I’ve written some emails, and every month I write a newsletter for my workplace…I just haven't been able to put pen to paper (or more accurately fingers to keyboard) and make myself finish something for here at all.

From inception, I have been a creative person. I have dozens of amazing, artistically-talented family members and friends who all seem to have found their niche. How could growing up surrounded by artists not have fostered some creativity? From musicians to visual artists to authors - my family is stuffed full and I have always been - and will always be - in awe of them. But seeing so many people who've found their thing, the artistic area in which they thrive, is not without its difficulties.

I love creating art, be it painting, drawing, sculpting, D.I.Y. projects, sewing, photography, singing and writing, anything I can get my hands on really. And I'm not the worst at any of those things. In fact, I would hazard to say that I'm pretty good at a lot of them. But I'm not the best at any particular one either. That’s not to say that I think art isn't worth pursuing unless you can be the best there ever was at it - that’s pretty much missing the entire point of art - but there is a certain kind of peace I think a lot of people find in knowing they are doing something uniquely *theirs*. (I am only speculating here as I have never experienced this myself.) 

And I have been going through a creative dry spell. A long one. It feels as though every time I have an idea, by the time I have a spare moment to sit down and get to it, it’s fizzled out or just refuses to come out right. A lot of the time I feel it may be because I am just acting at being good at things I am not. I am not the worst singer in the world (my partner and roommate haven't tried to smother me in my sleep yet..) but I don't really have a unique or memorable voice.

I can mostly make my hands draw what I see in my mind's eye. At least well enough that if I ask you,“what do you think of this horse I drew?” you won’t respond with “I thought it was a monkey with back problems” but I am never going to create a piece that provokes more thought than, “I like her use of GelPens.” 

When I write, it is usually just anecdotal, and my main goal is to just document what's happened and possibly make someone laugh. If I can make someone genuinely laugh because of something I’ve written, I’m happy. Still, I don’t expect any book deals, or a massive fan following from these blog posts. (Hi, Mom.)

I don’t mean to drag on and sound like I am complaining that I’m okay at a lot of things, but great at nothing (Really? Because that’s exactly what you are doing, Teagan.) But I feel as though it's important to state before continuing on.

I think that thanks to social media (uh-oh, another millennial blaming all of her problems on twitter -- just hear me out) we are consistently supplied with incredible works of art, of all kinds, that make us think and feel and strive towards creating more and just as good, if not better. But that’s the thing isn't it? Just as good? Better? Art is subjective. All art is subjective. I don’t really know how or when I lost sight of that. Why have I been letting myself fall into a self-inflicted creative slump - because I’m afraid that it won't be good? Because I’m afraid someone’s something else will be better? 

How will I ever create anything again if I think like that? (I think the last two years is evidence enough of that.) I have been so lucky in my life to know and meet so many incredible, unique, and artistic people who are unapologetically themselves, and that is always the way I have wanted to live my life. Somehow, I let certain things (self doubt, mental illness, procrastination, life) de-rail me from that. 

So I have decided to say “fuck it” to all of those negative thoughts that have been whispering in my ear for the past couple years and get back to just *doing*. If I want to write, I’m going to write and finish it -- whether it reads like a Bronte Novel, an episode of Sex and the City, or Dr Seuss -- I’m going to finish it. If I feel like recording, I’m going to do it and share it, whether I think I sound like Gollum or Beyonce*, because what the hell is the point if I don't put myself out there? Art is meant to be consumed, to be public, not just stored in a folder marked “Dear God I regret everything in here”. Not only that, but I am going to try anything and everything. All the things I’ve always wanted to do but haven't because I was scared I would fuck it up, or I wouldn't be good enough. No longer will I hold myself back or stand on the sidelines because of a fear of failure. The only real failure in life is letting the fear of failure stop you from trying. 

So yeah, I may not ever be "the best" at anything, or find that one thing that I can say is completely mine, but who cares? I will have a multitude of things I’ve done, and things I’ve tried  and things I've made to show for myself instead, and I think thats pretty damn good too. No more comparing myself to others, or worrying about how what I create will be received. The world is too full of people with their heads so far up their own asses they look like they are wearing themselves as a hat. (Looking at you POTUS) I will not allow myself to be one of them.

So here marks the rest of my life as a doer, not a watcher or a wisher. Here marks my new and improved mindset: Do, not “do not”, just at least fucking try. 

Let’s see what happens.

*just for the record I have never thought I sound like Beyonce